Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.