Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
