i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.