I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
