found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.