I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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