despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.