I need moral support for this bender
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.