I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
