I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.