I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.