he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
