I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
