I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.