She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.