She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
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What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.