I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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