I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"