Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.