you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day