I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
