"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
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is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
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And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work