Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.