I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize