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you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
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