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bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
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