I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi