I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
