I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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