I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
These 25 Drunks Shouldâ€™ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.