I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he was CRYING into my vagina
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker