Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys