I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.