Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.