his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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