i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
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You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??