you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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