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hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
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