I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dating After Heartbreak
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.