My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.