I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
