my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.