Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
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Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.