Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
