his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
