Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am