your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
