There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.