You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.