Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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