My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
