I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
