I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".