Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
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For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.