They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper