I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here