You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I checked into jail on foursquare
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.